Charlie Sheen dumped: Goddess did it by text message, he says

Charlie Sheen was dumped by "goddess" Rachel Oberlin via text message, he reportedly revealed during the question-and-answer portion of his Saturday show in Fort Lauderdale, Fla., where he also explained why he won't be voting for Donald Trump for president.

Too bad, so sad, Charlie. He'd said on stage April 17 that Oberlin -- porn name Bree Olson -- had bailed on the "Violent Torpedo of Truth/Defeat Is Not an Option" tour because she was homesick, or maybe, he hinted, because she wanted to have sex with people who were not Mr. Sheen. The adult-film actress, 24, at first denied breaking up with Sheen, again, but was reportedly back with her folks in Indiana as of Saturday, the New York Post said. Looks as if her mom might worry a little bit less now.

Sheen, whose family court date last Tuesday made him an hour late to his show in Washington, D.C., will send his lawyers into action again this Tuesday to pick up where they left off on that other little matter: his $100-million lawsuit against his former "Two and a Half Men" employers, and whether that will be settled in arbitration or in the court system.

By the way, the police escort that allowed Sheen's ride to barrel along at 80 mph from the airport to the show in D.C. last week? It's being investigated. A police commander didn't know officers had escorted Sheen, according to a D.C. police email obtained Monday by the Associated Press. Several policies appear to have been broken, Police Chief Cathy Lanier told the AP.

And about Trump? Calling it reason enough not to vote for him, Sheen told the Florida audience that to cheer up the actor a while back at "The Celebrity Apprentice" boss' Mar-a-Lago club, the Donald gave him a pair of fake Harry Winston cuff links. The warlock added that he didn't realize the baubles were CZs and tin, rather than diamonds and platinum, until he had them appraised during divorce negotiations with Brooke Mueller.

Hmm. We might not vote for a guy who actually believed Donald Trump had handed him a pair of $100,000 cuff links as a turn-that-frown-upside-down gift. And then needed an appraiser to tell him those weren't diamonds set in platinum.